Modern Day Paleo

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Suck it, Haters!

I just received my annual lab work back from the blood tests I had run earlier this year:

So everyone who is always giving me a hard time with my high protein / high fat diet, and those who ask how many heart attacks I’ve had, and to everyone who always asks if I would like a side of Lipitor with my bacon and eggs, you can all suck it!  :)

I’m having a homemade Eggwich for supper!

 

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Aspartame

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Weight Loss Breakfast

My pre-workout breaky this morning.


Bacon chunks fried up crispy with 4 eggs poached in the bubbling grease!

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Smoky Bacon Bloody Mary

I saw this on Facebook today! Recipe at: BettyCrocker.com

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Easy Hot Wings

Step 1: Par-fry up wing sections in a generous amount of bacon grease.


Step 2: Dunk the wings in your favorite buffalo sauce.


Step 3: Spread out the dunked wings on a baking sheet covered in foil. Bake the wings at 350 for ten minutes them flip them and bake 10 minutes more or until no longer pink – unless you like your chicken pink.


Step 4: Then serve them up with some pineapple spears to cool down your burning tongue!

 

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Steak and Eggs

My breakfast today was simple. I heated a couple of tablespoons of fresh bacon grease in a cast iron skillet over a high gas flame. Then I seared a thin-cut flattened ribeye on both sides. Next I used the hot grease to fry/poach three eggs.

Then I trimmed the eggs with a spatula before placing them over the steak. Finally, I disgusted CJ by smothering them in ribbons of low-carb ketchup. After gorging myself on this delicious protein fest I relaxed with a large mug of Bulletproof (buttery) Coffee.

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Bacon and Scallops

I was down to my last slice of super thick bacon so I decided to cube it up and flash-fry some small scallops in the grease. I added a little spicy cajun seasoning and a dash of salt. Perfection!

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Lunch at Logan’s Roadhouse

One of the perils of the business world is that I am constantly involved in working lunches at some restaurant filled with high-carb temptations. Today, I was able to get back on plan and finally avoid those lethal tuna fish sandwiches that haunted me all week! My business lunch selection was from Logan’s Roadhouse. I ignored the tortilla strips and corn, but felt pretty good about the protein and salad choice.

Kickin’ Logan’s Chickin’ Salad

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WTF! Tuna?

Life has become extremely stressful as of late and I have turned to my favorite coping mechanism, eating. In addition to increasing the bacon poundage and eggs consumed each day, I have found myself craving tuna. That’s right, TUNA FISH! I crave tuna in a can, tuna steak, tuna salad, tuna on a plate, ( I read too much Dr. Seuss as a kid) and most of all tuna sandwiches. As my stress level has gone up, so have my cravings. I heard a psychiatrist on the radio talking about how people during extremely stressful times usually self medicate at home with alcohol. I wish! Apparently, I self medicate with tuna, then wash it down with alcohol.

The scene tonight was no different for me than it was yesterday and the day before. I have repeated it over and over recently at gas stations, grocery stores, and roadside tuna stands. Everywhere I look cruel addictive tuna calls my name.  Tonight, I find myself in a convenience store sneaking a tuna sandwich and a diet Pepsi at 10:30 PM, knowing the whole time that in 15 minutes I will be hating myself for eating the wheat… But it doesn’t matter, today was uber-stressful for me. I’m jones’n hard for that soggy bread with that wet fishy mayo mess squished in the middle!  And now that I look at this picture, where the f*ck did those chips come from?! Is tuna the gateway drug to more carbs???

As if I don’t feel bad enough, I know that tomorrow I will be punished twice for my behavior. First the scale will laugh at me and remind me what a colossal failure I will always be. Then, I will open my email and several perfect paleo goddesses who apparently only eat green grass will have written me scathing emails telling me what a failure I am and that I should remove all references to the word “paleo” from my website because a real caveman would never eat a tuna sandwich! Let me beg to differ with these paleo police bitches in advance and that way I can just delete their emails in the morning…

First, I only wish there was a way to transport these cave-queens back to the paleo era, just so they could get dragged around by their hair! Who says a caveman wouldn’t have a tuna sandwich? I mean, the only reason that they didn’t eat tuna was that they LIVED IN CAVES and tuna really prefer water as I understand it. I’ll bet if I showed the items in the picture to the Geico cave dude he would gobble them up without hesitation. The fact is that tuna is simply delicious! That’s the main reason I crave it. CJ tells me that I crave tuna because I have a fish deficiency so I should take more fish oil and krill oil. But if that’s the case, why am I craving the sandwich combination? It’s the heroine laced wheat I tell you!  Plus maybe I am not getting enough unnatural mercury in my diet? Yes, that’s it, mercury!

If cavemen didn’t eat tuna sandwiches it’s only because their lives were much more simple and stress free compared to mine! Their stress was less because their women were too busy worrying about their hair detaching from their scalps to talk about their dietary selections. I hope tonight was my last tuna bender for a while. I feel satiated at the moment but also quite guilty as my cats stare at me in disgust for not sharing the fishy delight with them. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Uh oh, I think I am craving french fries…

 

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WordPress Sucks!

Today is the first day in over a week I have been able to access my admin page to blog. Hopefully this new upgrade will fix whatever was locking me out! Now, back to the food!

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Birthday Omelet

So what do you do on your birthday when you can’t have cake but you wanna huff and puff and blow out a candle? ………… Make a Birthday Omelet!

I stuffed this one with homemade sausage crumbles fried in bacon grease, bacon chunks fried in side-pork grease, caramelized onions, sauteed peppers and mushrooms and Mexican cheese all stuffed into a 3 egg omelet fried in coconut oil. Happy Birthday to me!

Later on that evening – Birthday Dinner at Outback:

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What is Paleo?

So what exactly is this Paleo diet you are on? That’s a question I have been hearing quite a lot lately. Here is a picture I found on another blog that sums it up:

If you can kill it or pick it fresh, most likely I will eat it. I hate labels so I refuse to label myself as being “Paleo” or any other diet religion. People who label themselves become crazy and run around judging others for eating the “wrong food” according to their particular diet bible. So, I don’t call myself Paleo, or low-carb, or say that I am doing Atkins any more. My diet is simple: I don’t eat grain, sugar, starches or processed foods 95% of the time. Well, maybe 90% of the time (lately stress seems to impact this percentage) The fact is that nobody sticks to their “fad” diet for years on end without cheating on something, so I believe striving for 90/10 compliance is acceptable for me with what I am seeking to accomplish. Since adjusting my diet away from strict low carb and leaning toward the paleo diet I find that I am actually on plan most of the time with the exception of maybe one or two planned carb-ups in the past few months, or during a tuna induced weakness.

So for all of you that have been asking, here is what I eat/don’t eat normally: I stole this chart directly from the Paleo Bible and then edited in a few of the corrections that I have made in my own diet. The most important thing I can do for myself is to avoid grains and sugars. I do not like or use the terms “lean” meats or “healthy” fats. There is too much confusion on what is healthy fat and what isn’t. So I just eat meat! Most of my fat comes from beef or pork. I collect bacon grease and filter it when I bake my bacon on cookie sheets. I saute my veggies in either bacon grease or the drippings from the steak or ribs I am eating that meal. I also would never tell anyone to avoid alcohol. That would be just crazy! How could you be expected to make it through most days without it? ;-)   I have found that you can still have alcohol by avoiding grain based liquid delights. Just trade up for Ciroc, gold tequila, or a glass of wine or three glasses. Wait there’s only 4 glasses in a bottle, so you might as well just finish that one bottle. Ask me sometime about Norcal Margaritas….

So that’s my diet, I keep it simple and it is working for me. Yes, much of it could appear Paleo or low carb. I just hate to be labeled. I also recently added in bulletproof coffee to the start of each day and that has increased my energy levels and also spurred more weight loss. I work out 1 to 2 times a week only with heavy weights, no joint-killing crossfit or running for me. I also use cold therapy a 1-2 times a week, but that’s a topic for a future blog.

People ask me how are you able to go out to eat all the time and still stay on plan and not gain weight? I don’t find it that difficult if I keep my simple rules at the front of my mind when making food decisions. There are sugar and starch free options anywhere (except a pasta bar) if you look hard enough. Here is an example of my typical feast at the local casino on weekends lately: You’re looking at two beef ribs (no sugary bbq please), crab legs, spicy shrimp skewers, mussels, raw oysters, prime rib, and a little taco meat mix I made up topped with tomato, jalapeno, onions, and cheese. I ate these and then went for seconds and thirds of the crab and prime rib. So why didn’t I gain weight this past weekend?  Because I avoided the blatant sugar and starches and chose high protein / high fat options. I could have had breaded shrimp and pie or cake for dessert (yum!), but I opted for pineapple and strawberries instead. Its not hard because natural food is really good. Its just hard to get use to sometimes after being a sugar addict for so many years.

Now, one final point: Why do I eat this way and ignore the almighty ADA when it comes to my diet choices? Guys like this motivate me to try to make better choices:

In summary: Buy fresh meat of any kind, fresh veggies, and fresh fruit. Avoid grain and sugar at all costs and you will be amazed at the new you!

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Beef, it’s what’s for dessert!

Do you remember this commercial from the 90′s?

Well, I always loved those beef commercials. But now I am moving on to a new chapter in my beefy life. Now I say, Beef, it’s what’s for dessert! To prove my point take a gander at my dessert a few nights ago.

What you are beholding is a half pound ribeye steak sliced really thin and then layered on a plate after being fried in some bacon grease with fresh mushrooms and some purple onions.

Now most people I know choose to bury their faces in something like cake after a delicious meal of beef ribs. They bang away like some giant cake woodpeckers on their plates of cake after eating their dinner loaded with carbs and starch. These cake junkies have even been known to get cake crumbs in their eyes with their ferocious cake eating orgies. I can say this because I was a card carrying member of this cake desecration club for many years. But now, I am not so much into cake. Beef is the new cake for me!

The cake industry has conspired to get us addicted to their sugary delights, so that after a perfectly good meal, we start acting like sugar whores and must have cake, even though we are perfectly satiated with a filling dinner. We start to slip into a sugar deprived delirium and display Tourette’s symptoms if there is no cake brought immediately after dinner. Well, I am proud to say that after many years at CEA (Cake Eaters Anonymous) I am no longer chained to the cake wagon. Beef is a great way to finish off any meal.

I think I should call this little dessert Beef Cake! LOL (yes, I just LOL’d on my blog) It truly is even better than cake. So if you are like me and enjoy losing weight and being healthy, the next time you are at the buffet and all your friends make a mad dash for the dessert table just go grab another helping beef. Your shrinking waistline will thank you later!!!

Now I am off to Amazon.com to find a shirt that says Beef Cake

 

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Who needs a bun?

I get asked all the time how I can exist without eating bread. Well, take a look at the mountain of cheese, bacon, and beef below and tell me, why would I ruin all that flavor by hiding it in a bun? Plus, I enjoy eating this good and still losing weight and feeling so like a healthy energizer bunny.

Can you believe how delicious that gorgeous hunk of meat looks? That is a half pound of ground beef, a half pound of bacon crumbles, and two thick slabs of melted pepper jack cheese! I was on facebook looking for wine suggestions to pair up with this orgasmic beast but it turns out that this delicious creation would go good with any wine or beverage for that matter! Even just a glass of water couldn’t ruin the mouthfuls of greasy flavor cascading over my taste buds! Oh, and the real fun part to enjoying this meal and snacks of side pork, bacon, and eggs throughout the day? I was down another half pound this morning! Winning!

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Bacon Scraps

I came across a deal at Wal-Mart today – some bacon ends and pieces! This is what it looked like right before I put a side of three eggs fried in bacon grease over the top!
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Cheesy Ham & Olive Scramble – Slideshow

A recipe so simple even a caveman could make it!

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Bulletproof Coffee

Now that nursing school is completed the last major test I have to take is my state nursing board exam – the dreaded NCLEX! Although I graduated with honors I still feel like an idiot – like I can’t even remember even the basics let alone the massive pharmacological data that is supposed to be imbedded somewhere in my brain. (What do these little white pills do again?) The past three years of late nights spent cramming for tests and stressing over volumes of data simply fried my brain. So when someone told me about the mind enhancing effects of Bulletproof Coffee, I just had to give it a try! I decided to drink this upgraded coffee for the next 30 days and see if it enhances my focus and retention abilities as I prepare for the biggest test of my life.

So far day one has been spent figuring out how much coffee I need to grind up. I use a Keurig so I have to fill the little K-cups with freshly ground coffee. It appears that two measured tablespoons of Bulletproof beans will fill one K-cup after grinding. I am still playing with the grinder to see which texture is better. Now I’m off to immerse myself in pharmacology and see what sticks in the morning. Wish me luck!

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A Paleo Dessert

Who said desserts have to be unhealthy?

This is a Paleo dessert made for me tonight by the fetching celebrity facebooker  Christi Lynn. Dairy free, sugar free, gluten free, and guilt free! It tasted so rich, even better than Breyers strawberry. I checked the Breyers page and their All Natural Strawberry ice cream has six ingredients. Not bad if you are eating sugar by the cup, but Christi Lynn’s version only has four ingredients, so she wins! You’ll have to ask her for the recipe, but I know it’s pretty simple, egg yolks, coconut milk, stevia, and fresh strawberries. The brownies were also Paleo and were apparently made with manna from Heaven!

And Yes, to answer your question: It tasted even better than it looks here! Yum!

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What does a Paleo grill look like?

So what does a paleo grill session look like? Canadian wild bass rubbed with sea salt and coconut oil, NY strip steak, fresh pineapple slices, baby asparagus, leek leaves, and chicken skewers with peppers and mushrooms.
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